Satire: Welcome to Access Power Holding Company Bank

By: Ogunleye Kolapo Olayemi

The days of epileptic power supply on the University of Ibadan campus have now become a thing of the past, and this is not thanks to Ibadan Electricity Distribution Company but to the ever reliable Access Power Holding Company Bank (APHCB), a 24-hour power supply system proudly powered by Access Bank.

Even when the hostels are in complete darkness, students already know where to go, because you can always bank on Access to supply light. Gone are the days when students would move around with dead phones and no hope; now there is direction, and that direction is straight to Access Bank.

The school must be praised for this smart and sustainable solution, because anytime IBEDC decides to disappoint, APHCB is always ready to step in and save the situation. The first and the best for a reason.

The hospitality of the Access Bank staff also deserves special mention, as they warmly welcome the large number of students who come around daily, gently pushing, or rather encouraging them to open an account, just in case they want to fully enjoy the benefits of this power supply system, because while they now provide light, banking still seems to be their side hustle.

In one interesting moment, a student tried to explain that they already had an account with OPay, but the staff calmly asked, “Can OPay give you light?” and honestly, that question ended the discussion immediately. When you think about it well, the staff actually has a point, because APHCB provides light for free, no fuel, no generator stress, no contribution, just plug and charge, so it only makes sense for students to open an account in return, whether they need it or not.

At this rate, it would not be surprising if APHCB starts introducing special charging plans or priority sockets, because on this campus, money is no longer the most important thing, light is, and right now, Access Bank is clearly in control of it.

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